After a very full, vortex-filled morning in Oslo getting lost on public transit on my way to my hostel, clambering up and down icy hills, leaving my hostel, all while worming my way into the heart of Norwegian public transit, it’s finally time to get to my first sightseeing destination: the Oslo Opera House. Of course, I almost got lost walking there too. Ruter, the public transit app in Oslo, doesn’t give good directions for routes from random point A to random point B. Ruter is best for station-to-station routes. I learned this the hard way while trying to walk from random point A to random point B, on my way to the Oslo Opera House. #Ruterfail.
After said #Ruterfail, I tried Google Maps. Unfortunately, the location function on Google Maps doesn’t work very well in Norway. Especially when you’re trying to use the “which way am I facing” feature—the little blue triangle that beams out from the “you are here” blue dot on google maps (for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, I also have no idea what I’m talking about. The best I can do is to direct you to your nearest 23-year-old). Triangle features aside, I would suggest you grab a physical map instead, and locate the street names the old-fashioned way. See below for instructions on how to use an actual map.
Step one: Look with your eyes at the street names around you, then figure out which one (or two, if you’re standing at a cross street) you are closest to IRL (that means “in real life” for those of you that didn’t use AIM in high school). Then, pull out your physical map and locate that street name, or the cross street, you are closest to IRL. Great, okay now we have our “random point A.”
Step two: After locating yourself on your map, find your destination on the map and then pinpoint the street name, or names, closest to your destination. This is your “random, not so random, point B.”
Step three: Figuring out what direction you should walk IRL to get from point A to point B. This can be tricky folks, especially for those of you not used to the cardinal directions “north” and “south.” We won’t get into east and west at this point, that’s an advanced class. Okay, first things first. Figure out what street names are to the left of your point A and to the right of your point A. Find those streets on your map. Then, looking at your map, determine which of these secondary street names is closer to your point B. Go that way.
Step four: Continue walking in the direction of point B. While walking, periodically look up to see if the street you are crossing is any closer to the street where your point B is located. Repeat said process until you arrive at your destination. Yea, it felt weird for me too at first, but you get used to it after a few minutes. Try not to relapse into using your phone, it won’t help.
Back to my story. After manually determining where the Opera House was located, I did manage to get there without too much bumbling. I think I only turned around and crossed the same street two or three times. The Opera House was cute. I just did a drive by. It was beautiful and walking around the Opera House gives you a great view of the harbor. Norway has a lot of arresting harbors. Oslo’s is no exception. Take your head out your phone and look at it.
This is me in front of the Opera House. I look pretty happy. I felt absurdly exuberant, given how many hours I had been awake and how many times I had gotten lost. But when I’m happy I’m like my own energizer bunny. Like, I have a lot of energy. More energy than a normal person who hasn’t slept in over 24 hours should have. And it’s not just, I can do all this stuff, energy. It’s happy, let’s meet a bajillion people and then go dancing, kind of energy. Maybe a little less “let’s go dancing” energy in this photo, but elated for sure.
Next on the sightseeing list, the Munch Museum. Before we get to that, let me give you Emily’s advice on museums in Norway. Always put your coat in the lockers at any museum that offers them, otherwise you might die of heat stroke. The Munch Museum was no exception, and was also a little hard to navigate. Let me explain.
First, you can only buy a ticket on your phone. Great. So if you have an international phone that doesn’t get internet, try asking someone who works there how you’re supposed to buy a ticket. Then, you have to figure out how to actually get into the museum part of the Museum, the part where you see the stuff you came to see. You can only do this when you’re already inside the Museum. You can’t do it when you’re outside the Museum. So go inside. And then try and figure out if you can buy a ticket. This feels a little redundant. I’ll just speed things along here and give you the answers to this part of the test.
The entrance to the part of the Munch Museum that you want to see is on the first floor, to your left as you walk in the entrance. It’s behind all the glass walls. You need the barcode on your electronic ticket to scan your way past. I had to ask someone where the museum part of the Museum was, and then how to get in to that part of the Museum. Like, how do I get past these glass walls? I literally had no idea what was going on. I made so many new friends. Such lovely people, Norwegians.
There are 13 floors at the Munch Museum—the building itself is a unique architectural experience. There are 11 different galleries displaying Munch’s work, distributed over several floors of the Museum. I would ask for a directory, because the layout feels a little scattered. I would also suggest you either don’t go to the Museum while jetlagged, or just ask someone for help. Yea. That word again. “Help.” Definitely ask for help at the Munch Museum. You don’t need a therapist to give you the answer to that one.
One thing I can tell you without anyone needing to ask their therapist about anything, is that you don’t want to miss the fourth floor. The fourth floor is where you can view one of Munch’s completed Scream works. There are a total of three, but only one is visible per day, so which version of The Scream you see depends on what day you visit the Museum. Cool, and possibly infuriating, depending on your viewpoint.
Next on Emily’s list of things to do in Oslo. Walk by other things.
After the Munch Museum, I walked down Karl Johan Gate. This walk is cool and totally easy. You can go in anywhere that has an open sign. Even I couldn’t mess that one up. While you’re walking down Karl Johan Gate, see the old church that’s on the way to the Royal Palace. Literally, you can just “see” it from the outside. Don’t go in, unless you want to, then you should probably look for an entrance.
After you see, or go into and come out of, the church, you should keep walking to the Royal Palace. It’s my understanding that you can go in and take a guided tour between the months of June and August, but it was February when I was there. I thought it was pretty neat, although it kind of looks like a regular building on the outside. A little sparse. Maybe that’s what’s Norwegian about it? I don’t know. I was tired.
After walking a bunch, I decided I was really starting to feel the jetlag. Instead of walking to my next destination, I decided to “Ruter” myself there. I had to take two buses. Jesus god, how many modes of public transit does this city have!?
The second bus wasn’t making its usual stops. From the frying pan into the fire, guys—the bus was skipping my stop. I read this in Norwegian, all by myself, from the digital screen onboard the bus. I was so impressed with myself. Since I had this information before I got lost, I made a ple-pran to not get lost. I opted to get out at the stop before my to-be-skipped stop, and did a little more walking. Walking, walking, walking. Sometimes using maps, sometimes just winging it, out there in Oslo.
Then there I was. At the naked statue park (called Frognerparken). Thanks Howard from the airplane. The park was a great suggestion. There were a lot of naked statues, as promised. Kind of weird. Mostly fun. Great photo opp. I was really tired. Maybe somewhat confused by this point. Naked, tired and confused—always a good combination. Never how you want to wake up in the morning. Unless that’s always how you want to wake up in the morning, then this is the place for you. For extra confusion, stop at Himkok for some super swanky cocktails on your way to the Royal Palace and the naked park.
After all the naked people, I was done for the day. Completely. Look at this photo of me, I look like I want to tell myself to stop taking pictures of myself.
“Okay, Emily, stop taking pictures if you want, no one’s making you take pictures!”
“Omg, is that you, I.d.? . . . I.d.? Guess not. Next blog post, perhaps.”
After realizing jetlag sucks, I went back to my hostel, passed out around 4:30 pm and slept through to the next morning. Great stuff. I almost felt better too.