Some would say I’m a type A person.
“You think?”
“Hi I.d. So glad you could make it to my next post. Do you have anything constructive you would like to share with the class?”
“Constructive? What do you think this is, a mutually beneficial relationship??”
“Sigh. Let’s just press on.”
Looking back, I think I have always had a Sisyphean tendency to roll boulders up hills only for them to fall back down again. I am naturally drawn to taking up challenges with no end. That’s the opposite of fun. This obsession with hurdles has been part of the fabric of my being for so long—it didn’t just start two years ago. It crept in before I even met my ex-husband. It was a remnant of the endurance I cultivated during childhood, that blossomed into a full-blown love affair with obstacles. Like a Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale before Disney gave them all happy endings. It went a little like this.
Once upon a time, there was a young woman. She spent her entire life preparing for achievement and success. There was only one true path, and she would not be diverted from it, regardless of the hardships it brought. By the time she got to law school, our heroine was ready to sacrifice everything for her career. Nothing in her life had been worth that kind of devotion before, but somehow the study of law brought it out in her. She happily travelled an hour or more for Sunday evening meetings. Her personal life came second to good law school outlines and grades. If there were anything in life she was going to conquer, it would be the law. And conquer she did. She was published twice in her own right by graduation, finished top of her class, and secured a federal clerkship. Sitting pretty, she knew it had been worth the blood, sweat and tears. She had also emerged victorious from a painful breakup with her ex-boyfriend of five years, and was ready to take New York City by storm. She was young and single and gainfully employed. Needless to say, she was living her #bestlife. After her ex, she thought she would never fall in love again, and that love was just a fairy tale made up to keep people from realizing how horrible their lives are. She thought she could stay single forever. Then, quite unexpectedly, and from the most unlikeliest of places (OkCupid), a man came into her life. He lived across the country, but somehow, he managed to make his way into her heart and her life. She wasn’t paying close enough attention to the measure of his affections, and before she could stop him, it was too late. She was in love. Utterly and completely. She would have done anything to protect him, anything to support him, and, in the end, she did. She made the ultimate sacrifice. Herself.
“Okay, Emily, let’s hit pause here. This is going from boring to just plain maudlin and the Norway adventure is supposed to be a happy story. Do you WANT anyone to read this travel blog?? How about we speed things up. Do we really have to trudge through every detail of this six-year relationship with the ex-husband?”
“No.”
“Can we skip ahead to your ex-husband up and leaving you when you needed him most?”
“Why not, he did.”
“Do we need to give a blow-by-blow of the five months preceding your ex-husband’s departure, when you were being purposefully punished by the partners at your big-law firm?”
“Too many blows for this blog.”
“What about the toll that took on your mental health?”
“It’s depressing. Clinically.”
“Can we bypass the fact your ex-husband asked you to help him file for divorce, even though you told him repeatedly you didn’t want one?”
“I didn’t want to help either.”
“Can we just fast forward to the divorce?”
“I wish I had said that the first time around.”
“The dogs, though, should we mention that Lila was diagnosed with a brain tumor and six weeks later Uther was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer?”
“Yes. They have been brightest spots in my life. Other than these two sunspots from Covid that won’t go away.”
“You’re a terrible person, Emily.”
“Thanks, I.d.”
“Is it too much to note that the dogs were diagnosed around the same time the divorce was being finalized, and you found out through social media that your ex-husband was moving to Australia with some new woman just days after the divorce went through?”
“Why stop now.”
“Or how about that you truly believed your ex-husband would change his mind and come back to you, right up until you found out about his new woman?”
“I know the responses are not in question format, but do we really need to go over this?”
“I guess then, we should also mention that our beloved Uther finally passed away in September of 2022?”
“Yes, Uther’s passing was probably the most difficult thing I have ever had to face in my entire life (forget the ex-husband and the divorce).”
“Okay, are we all caught up?”
“Anything more tedious would just be a pity party.”
Now you’ve read the best of the parade of horribles. On the bright side, the two years of struggle weren’t only characterized by awful events. The challenges I faced also gave me the opportunity to work on parts of myself that had been completely neglected, and to discover new things in life that I enjoy. The best part is, I’m free now. Free to find myself, free to be me, and free to love life. Yes, taking this opportunity to follow my dreams and to build my own travel business (supported solo traveling—taking small groups of people around the world, encouraging them to explore and make new friends on their own, but without throwing them into the deep end) requires a certain amount of courage, and I am not naturally a risk-taker. But, you don’t have to be footloose and fancy-free to enjoy your life before retirement age. If your life isn’t bringing you joy, there’s no shame in admitting that, and there is no reason you can’t reach for something better. We are all better than the degradation that is heaped upon us in the corporate world. As Anna said to Elsa in Frozen, “You don’t have to live in fear.” You don’t have to be afraid of leaping out into the unknown, and you don’t have to do it alone. There are good people out there who can help you make the transition to something new.[1] With the help of my support system, I know I can create something better than big-law life that serves me, and that allows me to achieve my goals.[2] I just had to allow myself to see that life could be different.
[1] If you need help creating a support system, please feel free to reach out to me. I have so many referrals to give and I have been where you are. Use me as a reference point!
[2] I have been working with an excellent career counselor, Bruce Hermann, who not only helped me engineer my new business venture, but also supported me through a difficult time with positivity and hope. Please reach out to me directly if you would like a referral.